80/20

This morning I'm sitting thinking about the after-effects of the surgery.  It's going to cause a lot of changes that I don't know if I'm read to do yet.  Most of my excuses for not going through with it revolve around my food issues.  It includes:  sharing food experiences with people, eating what I want to eat, trying new restaurants (which I hardly do now anyway), dining out on vacation...etc.  Hopefully, the dietitian at the weight loss center will help me find out how to be flexible once I'm on my own.

One of the ideas my husband and I had was for me to start counseling with a person who is an expert in food issues.  I don't know if I am an addict or not, but I am finding the same desires in me I had when I quit smoking.  There are all of these justifications and excuses.  The longing for "one last" or to have "freedom" to do what I want is strong.  What is difficult to realize is that it's not freedom at all.  It is a self-imposed cage made of gold.  While it feels good to be surrounded by gold, I am suffering in ways I don't even see.  A counselor may be able to help me break that cage and see the freedom I could have with self-control.

For the past several weeks, I have been working the goal to lose 20 lbs. by the next time I see the surgeon.  We have basically stopped dining out (I did have a turkey sub once) and we have started trying to cook more healthful meals at home.  I am trying to start avoiding things like bread and pasta.  They were the staple of my diet for so long...it's a challenge.  Soda is no longer a part of my life.  The biggest challenge has been to give up chocolate.  While I have had 1 slip by eating two fun sized Milky Way bars, I have been chocolate-free for a week.  The chocolate milk habit has been difficult to break, though.  All in all, I've lost 8 lbs. in 2 weeks.  This weekend has been a constant binge temptation, but I have stood strong so far.  I've mostly stayed within my calorie range.  Now....to remember to pray about the challenge!

At any rate, I am sitting at about 80 for and 20 against the surgery today.  When I think of all that has to happen in the next year for moving and packing and living with other people, it motivates me to do what I've needed to do for so long-change my lifestyle.  This surgery will force me to do that and that makes me happy.  :)  Let's make it through today, first, though.  Lifestyle changes...(like they say)...one step at a time!