Bariatric Seminar

I went to a seminar on bariatric surgery last night.  I have been skeptical of this kind of surgery since I first heard of it.  It seemed risky and like a desperate attempt to correct a problem you should be able to manage on your own.  I became fat of my own accord and it's my responsibility to deal with it--not a doctor's.  I did it to myself.

The surgeon who spoke to us had a very different opinion.  He is passionate about treating obesity in this country.  He feels that obesity is a disease much like diabetes.  It is treatable, but people don't always go about fixing it the right way.  We try fad diets and pills and get discouraged when they don't work.  By the time we get to the morbidly obese point, it's not a manageable problem anymore.  We obese people need treatment, not another diet.

I am struggling to accept that idea, but I am trying.  My weight loss efforts have been numerous and unsuccessful.  I am beyond the point of being able to control my eating on my own.  I have always felt like it was more of an addiction and less of a physical ailment.  However, I see now that an addiction is as much a disease as diabetes.  Controlling it on your own is an illusion.  You need assistance and education.

The surgery sounds scary to me at this point.  I am scared of the lifestyle change, of the small amount of risk, and of my ability to maintain the discipline needed for this program.  The good news is that they help you every step of the way and provide support for years to come.  It would be wonderful to be able to ride a bike or go for a walk.  I miss being able to do simple activities like that.  I would love to be able to walk through a museum or go to a concert.  It's these kind of things that would motivate me to do something like this.  Even now, I tear up at the thought of all that freedom.  Something to think and pray about right now.  All the feels!

Beginning

Every time I start this first blog entry, I lose the ability to speak.  This blog is to be about my weight loss journey.  There are too many things to say and there are no right words to say them.  I am excited about the opportunity to journal my journey, but what if it's too negative?  What if I don't blog regularly?  What if people read it and discover about me things I do not want them to know?  These are the kind of questions that get me into trouble with food too.  What if I eat too much?  What if I eat the wrong thing?  What if it's psychological and I'm treating the wrong issue?

Perhaps this will be a place to just explore my thoughts and occasionally upload photos of food.  Maybe there will be before and after photos.  Maybe there won't be.  Maybe it will be inspirational for me to get my thoughts out.  Maybe I will cry.  Maybe I will laugh.  Maybe....it's just what I need to get started!

I am an all-over-the-place journal writer so please bear with me in my stream of consciousness writing.  Let's just chalk this up to a bumpy beginning and move forward!  After all...that's what it's about, isn't it?  Moving forward.